Research indicates that nearly 75 percent of Americans believe in soul mates. That’s a vast majority of the country’s population who believe there really is one “perfect” person out there for them. Whether relationships are determined by fate, destiny or choice, the truth is that even when you are with the right person, love takes work. Doubts are a natural part of forming relationships with other people. So, to the woman who might be wondering if her relationship is worth it – or to the woman who is single and wondering if love really is in the cards for her, our matchmakers have a few pieces of wisdom to help guide you through the storm.
Why Do You Want a Relationship?
Most people don’t go on dates just because “everyone else is doing it.” All humans share a psychological drive that compels them to seek a connection with someone else. Before giving up on love, try to remember the reasons you wanted a relationship in the first place. A few reasons people seek relationships include:
- Safety and security
- Emotional healing
- A feeling of self-worth
- A partner to raise children with
- Self-growth and discovery
- Desire to share love
Our motivations are all different, but the end result is the same: love fills a deep longing we all share. You might be capable of achieving material goals alone, but relationships allow you to fulfill deep emotional goals that can only be achieved in partnership with another person.
Love Isn’t ALL Bad
Even if you’ve found yourself lamenting lost love or cursing a date who never called, remember that each and every person in the world is different. All the commitment-phobes and serial daters in the world don’t mean anything when you find that one person who really understands you. Our matchmakers have seen success stories happen even late in life. It’s not about your dating history – it’s about who you’re going to meet next.
Letting Go Is Possible
While most people are monogamous and feel that their heart can only belong to one other person for the rest of their life, a review published in the Review of General Psychology suggests people are programmed to heal and move on after heartbreak. This is great news for you. Even if you have experienced heartbreak, biology dictates that you will move on and find love again. The study’s author, Brian Boutwell, said his study "suggests people will recover; the pain will go away with time. There will be a light at the end of the tunnel." In short: give yourself time. Healing will happen.
You Don’t Have to Go It Alone
Reach out to your network for help in the dating scene. Accept invitations to social functions and downplay the networking opportunities in favor of a more human connection. Reputable dating agencies and matchmaking services like Kelleher International can also step in to pre-screen your matches and arrange introductions that might lead to that magic spark you’re looking for.
Think Out of the Box
Our matchmaking services encourage people to try new things, go to new restaurants, and remain open to new experiences. Being single is an opportunity to expand your horizons and step outside your comfort zone. If you go on a date with someone you particularly like, ask about their interests and learn about something they enjoy that you have never tried. This will help you discover new activities to focus on and might even lead to some interesting new hobbies. Bonus: this will also build rapport with your date. If it’s truly meant to be, maybe you can enjoy this hobby together.
People are Wired for Love
Dr. Pepper Schwartz, PhD, Professor of Sociology at the University of Washington says, "People are wired for love. That's why they keep coming back, despite heartbreaks and losses… Our drive for union is part of our species, as it is for almost all mammals. Our survival is more likely when we bond to another and face the world as a team. We are drawn, irresistibly, to one another." Love might feel like a losing game at times, but we are meant to seek it out. This is no accident. Listen to your instincts and let yourself fall in love when the time is right.
Love Comes in Many Shapes and Sizes
Even if a romantic relationship is not right for you at this time, consider the other great examples of love you have in your life. Relationships with siblings, children, friends, and even pets all count. Look at these connections to determine what you like so much about them and take notes for the future when you are in the market for someone. Chances are, your relationship with Mr. or Mrs. Right will echo some of the same qualities you have in existing relationships.
There is nothing wrong with embracing your single status, but remember: being single is not a punishment and being in a relationship is not the end-all-be-all when it comes to happiness. Successful relationships are the result of hard work and two people who absolutely, unequivocally refuse to give up on each other. For better chances, contact one of our matchmakers today and learn about personalized dating services that take the guesswork out of your love life. You’re worth it.