Are You Settling in Your Relationship?

Posted by Kelleher International on Oct 2, 2015 8:39:00 AM

shutterstock_215576440There are plenty of “star-crossed lovers” in the world whose family or friends disapprove of their relationships. Frequently, this disapproval even strengthens the bond between couples as they fight against all odds to stay together. The high of struggling to stay together can make it difficult to recognize a relationship is not healthy or that you have “settled” for less than what you deserve. Kelleher International’s exclusive dating services help clients differentiate between things a person wants and things that are truly necessary for a relationship to function properly.

Many singles find themselves creating lists of traits a future partner “must” have or vent to their friends over a few cocktails that their next date will have a specific color hair or will enjoy photography just as much as they do. These traits, while nice, also rule out a great percentage of the population unnecessarily. Otherwise compatible people might find themselves unjustly rejected based on arbitrary qualifications that have nothing to do with the person’s ability to love or be a good partner.

The first step toward building a healthy relationship is to differentiate between things you want and things you deserve from a romantic partner.

Traits You Want:

  • Dog lover
  • Close with family members
  • Enjoys roller coasters
  • Likes sushi
  • Never throws dirty clothes on the floor

Traits You Deserve:

  • Loyalty
  • Respect
  • Honesty
  • Support
  • Love

A person with unreasonably high expectations is likely to pull from the first list above, citing their absolute need for someone who can ride a roller coaster and go out for sushi shortly before walking their rescued dog, having dinner with family, and picking up all the dirty laundry. This picture of the “perfect” person isn’t so much a list of qualifications as it is an unrealistic fantasy. This person doesn’t exist and so the person making these demands will always be dissatisfied in their relationships.

Someone who settles, on the other hand, sacrifices things from the second list at their own expense to maintain a relationship. People frequently justify their unsatisfactory relationships as a mutual compromise: their date may not be perfect, but neither are they. This justification is highly flawed and also leads to unsatisfactory relationships. Commitment without loyalty or honesty is worth nothing, and so the relationship is doomed from the start.

Additional signs you may be settling for the wrong one:

  •          Your heart races when you think about your significant other… because of stress.
  •          Your partner has cheated (yes, even once).
  •          Your partner makes negative comments about your body.
  •          You’ve been hiding emotional or physical abuse from friends and family members.
  •          You feel like you put more effort into the relationship than your partner does.
  •          Your best friend doesn’t understand “what you see in him/her.”

Quality relationships are built when two people (with potential for all the traits from list number two) get together and decide to build on their initial connection. Professional executive matchmaking services help by pairing two people who are already compatible to increase the likelihood creating the healthy relationship both parties deserve. Click or call today to work with a real international matchmaker to find the quality date you’ve been searching for. 

Topics: Dating, conflict resolution, Self Help

Whether you are a new client flying off to Paris for your first match or have been happily married for more than twenty years, Kelleher International wants to be your resource to make your journey of love wildly fulfilling, exciting, dynamic, and deeply passionate.

We’ll talk about strategies for dating success, navigating relationship land mines, and the mindset it takes to find love and make it blossom.  We will put current events in the context of seeking love and even give you a little window into the match making business and how a centuries-old tradition continues to evolve in our modern world.  The “right one” is out there for you, so check back weekly for updates or follow us on Twitter to make the most of our partnership in your future.

Let us come with you on your journey!

Jill & Amber