5 Things Men Should Never Say on a First Date

Posted by Amber Kelleher on May 27, 2014 2:48:00 PM

young couple in bar or club drinking cocktails, it might be the first date

First dates can either be the highlight of your week, or the absolute worst. One moment you're flying high, having the time of your life, and the next moment you're shut down because of something you said. Sometimes you won't even know what it is that you said to have turned her off, but regardless, the date is over. Here are the top five things she does not want you to say while on a first date.

"My Ex (fill in the blank)"

It doesn't matter if you just got out of a relationship or if you've been single for a year, never talk about your ex. Mentioning her makes it sound like you are still fixated on your former relationship, which is a major turn off. Your date will assume (correctly) that you will be comparing her to your ex, either in a positive or negative way. Nobody wants that kind of pressure at the start of any relationship.

"How are you still single?"

Even if you mean this in a complimentary way (as in, "You are so amazing that I can't believe anyone would let you go"), it still comes off as rude. She may interpret the question as "Why doesn't anyone want to date you?" and there will be few opportunities to make a comeback when the conversation reaches this point. Stick to simply telling her directly what you mean to say, i.e. "You're amazing," or "You look beautiful."

"You remind me of my mother."

Even though most women know that guys tend to pursue women with similar positive traits to their mothers, no woman ever ever ever wants to be compared to her significant other's mother. While this may be the most flattering compliment in your own mind, a woman is not going to see it this way. Instead she will see a potential oedipal complex and get out of there as fast as she can. After you've been dating for a while, you may realize that she shares a lot of the things that you love about your mother, but there will never be an appropriate time to bring this up with her - even if she and your mother are on good terms.

"So, is this a date?"

If you have to ask, then it's not. Your intentions to her should be clear from the beginning. If she has to wonder if you're interested in her, if you're paying, if she should be flirty or not, and so on, then you are not doing a service to her or yourself. Instead of asking her to hang out, or grab a drink or dinner, ask her specifically out on a date. This lets her know exactly what you want and shows her that you actually like her in a romantic capacity and care enough to go the extra mile. It also will allow her to turn you down if she is not interested, which will save you time and effort in the long run. By asking her out on a date, it shows that you are not into playing games and that you have created a space for flirtation, romance or maybe even love to occur.

"I guess you could say that I'm kind of a big deal."

While I doubt any of you will say these exact words, boasting about your success is a big turn off. It's okay to tell her what you do for a living, but be humble and never discuss your salary or major accomplishments on a first date. If all goes well in the relationship, she will find out about these all on her own, and will be all the more impressed. However, if you spend the night talking about yourself, she will likely assume that you are self-centered and egotistical. Bragging about yourself may work out really well with someone who is only interested in your financial success, but this is probably not the type of person that you picture yourself dating long-term.

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Topics: Dating

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