One of the biggest challenges of dating in large cities like Los Angeles or New York, for example, is that so many people seem to be opportunistic. Big cities are central hubs for aspiring artists, actors, musicians and the
like trying to make their big break. Everyone has heard stories of people who come out of bad relationships feeling like the other person was using them for their social contacts. While this article is not going to address how to avoid these types of people, it will reveal a really simple practice that can help you avoid being categorized as this type of person: complimenting people.
Compliments are easy for fairly obvious things, like physical appearance. Telling someone you like their new haircut is a fairly pain-free experience that holds little risk. However, deeper genuine compliments are far more effective in making relationships grow stronger. Yet it seems like we avoid giving out this kind of compliment because we are either too shy, busy, uncomfortable or possibly jealous. As a result, most opportunities to deliver meaningful compliments are lost. When it comes to romance, compliments can directly impact the relationship’s health – but only if they are genuine. A good compliment has no expectation of return on investment in the form of favors, agendas, conditions, attachments, etc. This is one of the reasons why they are so effective in building strong relationships.
Think of something that you genuinely like about another person. Think about his or her character, manner, accomplishments, etc. Now, let that person know one of those reasons you appreciate him or her, whether it is for an attribute of his or her personality or something more specific, such as how he or she handled a particular situation. For example, if your significant other chooses a restaurant for a date, compliment his or her taste in dining. Be specific and let him or her know why you like his or her taste. This lets you show appreciation and gratitude while also telling him or her that he or she makes good decisions.
The art of complimenting is especially important in long-term relationships. Sometimes when a couple has moved out of the dating and honeymoon phases, it can be easy to slip into a routine where you take your partner’s attributes and actions for granted. Sharing what you love about him or her every day adds to your partner’s self-esteem and contributes to keeping the spark alive in your relationship. Your spouse will feel respected and appreciated, and he or she will probably think of the reasons he or she loves you as well.
This week, work on complimenting people more. If it is your significant other, try to compliment him or her every day. You will be surprised at the difference it will make in your relationships.