How Body Language Effects First Impressions for Relationships

Posted by Amber Kelleher on Dec 13, 2013 3:00:00 PM

shutterstock_80893003The importance of body language in a dating scenario cannot be emphasized enough. Popular theory dictates that 93 percent of all communication is non-verbal. Of that percentage, 55 percent refers specifically to body language and 38 percent applies to tone and

inflection. This rule of communication is known as the 7:38:55 rule, and mainly applies to first impressions and situations where we are forming an impression of someone. A first date is the epitome of the kind of situation where this rule applies – whether or not she likes you is going to be determined almost entirely by body language and tone rather than words. This means two things for men: first that you will have to learn to read her body language, and second that you will have to be conscious of your own body language.

Women are highly communicative when it comes to body language. Pay attention especially to her eye contact. If at first glance she turns away and then takes a second look at you – I call it the 3-second rule – she is probably interested. While you are on your first date, you can gauge her interest by where she looks. If she looks down or quickly looks away while you are speaking to her, it is a sign she may be nervous, which is an indication that she is interested in you. When she gives you full eye contact and is engaged in what you are saying, you know she likes you quite a bit and cares about what you have to say. However, if she spends the date looking around the restaurant or over her shoulder, these are signs that she is not interested and may be bored or uncomfortable. At this point, you should change the subject and try to get her back into the conversation.

There are other subtle body cues that indicate a woman’s state of emotion during a date. If she is twirling her hair, she may be nervous. Women may also twirl or play with their hair on purpose to flirt. When she leans toward you or angles her body so that she is facing you (with arms uncrossed), she is subconsciously indicating that she is open to you. On the opposite end, when her body is leaning out and away from you and/or her arms are crossed, it is a physical representation of concealing her heart from you, because she is either uninterested in you or is unsure about you. Women are generally shyer than men on first and second dates, and may not want to open up to you easily, especially if they have been hurt in the past. This is why interpreting eye contact and watching her posture are so important. One of the most key elements at the start of a relationship is getting comfortable around each other, so that you can be yourselves and learn more about each other. This being said, there are several ways you can indicate to her through your own non-verbal communication that you care about her.

First, do not be afraid to ask her out. Even if she is uninterested in you or is already in a relationship, she will be flattered that you are interested. Of course, do not take this too far and persist in trying to get her into a relationship with you. Women like it when a man shows confidence by taking that first step, but are put off by a demanding or whiny guy who will not leave them alone. If she agrees to go on a date, you can really shine in her eyes by displaying confidence and class. Make yourself presentable. This means that you look and smell nice, dress appropriately, and even take the time to wash and vacuum your car. Choose a restaurant and fill her in on the kind of attire she will need to wear. If you pick her up, open the car door for her. If you drive separately, after the meal, have the valet bring her car around first, open the door for her, pay her valet ticket and tip, and see that she drives off safely.

During the meal, open the door for her, pull out her chair, take her coat and stand up whenever she leaves or enters the room. Ask her what she would like to eat and order it on her behalf. Choose a good bottle of wine if you are ordering a bottle for your table, and never fail to ask her if she would like coffee or dessert after the meal. Keep her engaged in the conversation and avoid sensitive topics, such as past relationships, politics or religion. As always, limit your alcoholic intake and keep an eye on hers. It is fairly normal to enjoy a drink before and during dinner with perhaps another after, but if she has had five glasses of wine by the time the meal arrives, this is an indication of trouble. This may seem old-fashioned, but once she observes your gentlemanly behavior, she will notice all the other men in her life that do not treat her in this fashion. By being a gentleman, you will make her feel like a lady, and that will usually earn a second date and more attraction in and of itself.

This is a lot of information to take in at once, but the application of it will seem much more natural when you are in a situation to use it. Behave naturally, just with heightened awareness of body language cues that can give insight into the relationship’s progress. Use this information to convey the message you want to send for the best first impression possible, and to help determine whether the person with you is ready for a relationship with you.v

Topics: Relationships

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