How much celebrating is too much?

Posted by Amber Kelleher on Aug 15, 2011 1:09:00 AM

Question of the Day: We've been together for three months and she celebrates EVERYTHING. Our first date, our first time cooking together, our first drive down the coast, our first trip -- she is constantly hitting me with "do you know what we did for the first time one month

ago today?!" I find myself floating somewhere between "who cares" and "sorry, I didn't remember that exact date". Is this normal, and what should I do?

Answer: Honestly, there's not such thing as "normal", but this definitely fits into the "eccentric but acceptable" category. Her intent is wonderful -- she has such a great time with you that she thrills in reliving what she considers milestone moments. However the way that she shares it with you creates stress and frustration. Here are two approaches to get you in a better place with the celebration:

1) Pick and own an anchor celebration like "first date" or "first kiss", as you lead the celebration of this each month, you meet her need for acknowledging the history and will get a pass on remembering her long list of memories

2) Acknowledge and celebrate her celebrations, e.g., open the evening with "you have such a great memory for things we've done in the past -- is tonight the anniversary of something?"

Focus on how lucky you are that she is so engaged in your past and present activities, and then find the interaction style that will help your support/tolerate her passion for remembrance,

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