Breaking up is hard to do and usually the aftermath of a break up is often even harder to deal with. Whether it was mutual or one-sided, anticipated or completely surprising, a breakup can feel like the end of the world.
While it is not always possible to prepare for a breakup and brace for impact, there is a healthy way to handle the separation and get over the sense of loss.
Do Not Obsess
Naturally, your mind will feel the need to replay the relationship and the moment of separation to try and make sense of it. During this period, you try and figure out what you could have done wrong. This is a healthy part of the healing process, but only in moderation. Thinking the relationship through can help you understand the nature of that now-closed chapter of your life and your role in it. Obsessing over it, however, will only bring more pain. There is nothing that you can do now to change your current situation – do not dwell on the mistakes of the past and instead look to your future.
Remove any physical mementos from the relationship from your sight. You do not have to throw them away, but at least keep them in the back of a closet where you can forget their presence. It can be difficult to get over a breakup when you are surrounded by constant reminders of what once was. Again, do this in moderation. You cannot avoid seeing things in the real world that are going to remind you of them. If you become too focused on avoiding the kinds of movies you saw together, or the books they liked, or the road where their work is located, etc. you will spend more time thinking about the breakup than if you just lived life like normal.
Grieve in Moderation
If you do not feel some sense of loss or pain after a break up, then you probably were not incredibly invested in the relationship to begin with. A grieving period is healthy, but do not let the grief overstay its welcome. When you spend too much time wallowing in the pain of a breakup, it hinders your future relationships and prevents you from feeling a sense of closure. Think of the end of your grieving period as a fresh start, much in the way you think of a new year’s resolution. Set a date to stop grieving and get back into the dating scene. You do not have to start seeing someone seriously right away, but still make yourself open to the possibility of love by going out and enjoying life with friends.
Apply What You Have Learned
Now that you have an idea of why that last relationship did not work out, you can take steps to make sure that does not happen in your next relationship. While you cannot predict the outcome of any relationship, you can use your experiences to your advantage. And do your date and yourself a favor, and do not bring up the ex on a first date. Move forward and be ready for love.