Ask the Matchmaker: Using the "G" word

Posted by Amber Kelleher on Aug 30, 2010 11:00:00 PM

Featured matchmaker: Pam!

We’ve been dating for four months, but he still doesn’t refer to me as his “girlfriend”. Is this a sign that I shouldn’t ignore?

This has to be one of the most eternal questions in love. Ever since you kissed that first boy behind the bleachers at the football game or you had your first Valentine’s day with a special girl, both sexes have battled with “does he/she think I’m his/her boyfriend/girlfriend?”. This question is a common thread in relationships from age 8 to 80, but fortunately is a question that becomes simpler, not more complicated, as we become adults.

People are often on different timelines as a relationship progresses. That doesn’t mean that you give a man an open calendar, but it does mean you focus more on “progress” than on milestones against a timeline.

So what does that mean in regards to using the “G” word?

Part of the Kelleher International membership is access to a team of experienced Matchmakers that can help you navigate some of the turbulent waters of new relationships. When faced with the “G” word anxiety we ask our client two questions:

What are you “looking for” that will be satisfied when you hear the world “girlfriend”? It’s probably not the sound of the word. Are you looking for a statement of commitment, or some confirmation of feelings or badge of exclusivity?

Can you name two things that your new romance is already doing that seems to be exactly in line with what your expectations? Do you spend the Holidays together? Do your days roll into evenings, and weekdays roll into weekends? Have you met the children, friends, work colleagues? Do you have a key to his/her home?

The word “girlfriend” changes a lot for people the further away they get from High School – for some it is a normal relationship term like friend, colleague or neighbor, but for others it still conjures that late-teen anxiety of “does he like me as much as I like him”.

Look for the many ways that he may already be calling you his “girlfriend” -- everyday kindnesses, forward looking statements and openness. These are all twenty times more important that those ten little letters.

A common mantra in the halls of Kelleher International is “be direct” – you are both adults and you should be comfortable asking him things like “what do you like best about the two of us dating?” or “how would you compare us to your best friend and his wife?”

Examine the answers and see if you are already his girlfriend!

Topics: Meet the Matchmaker

Whether you are a new client flying off to Paris for your first match or have been happily married for more than twenty years, Kelleher International wants to be your resource to make your journey of love wildly fulfilling, exciting, dynamic, and deeply passionate.

We’ll talk about strategies for dating success, navigating relationship land mines, and the mindset it takes to find love and make it blossom.  We will put current events in the context of seeking love and even give you a little window into the match making business and how a centuries-old tradition continues to evolve in our modern world.  The “right one” is out there for you, so check back weekly for updates or follow us on Twitter to make the most of our partnership in your future.

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Jill & Amber