Today’s Question: you’ve just wrapped up a first date, it was good but not great, do you agree to a second meeting?
Romance blooms at different rates for different people, and at Kelleher International we stay very involved during the early stages of our matches so that we can coach our clients as well as capture feedback for future matches.
When working with clients that are unsure about a second date, we ask some very simple questions to put some further granularity on their date experience. When probing into what didn’t meet their expectations we ask our clients to divide their feedback into “Values Issues” and “Performance Issues”. Values Issues are just what they sound like –a mismatch/conflict in the lifetime goals, personal outlook or deep-rooted opinions of two people. As part of our in-depth screening we conduct with every client, we usually are able to preempt potential Values Issues, but matchmaking is an iterative process and what may not have seemed important to a client during our interviews may have jumped in importance when faced with it over an appetizer. If there is a values mismatch, then graciously decline a second date and move on – ignoring that signal just postpones the pain.
Performance Issues in dates occur when someone could just be potentially having an off night. “He’s boring”, “She talked too much”, “he’s dressed like a slob”, anything from a long list of examples of someone just not putting their best foot forward. In working with a client considering a second date and working through some performance issues, we often take them back to the earlier Values discussion. “Did he have the same vision for the future, that you did?”, “Does she have the zest for life you were hoping for?”, “Is philanthropy part of his life in the way that you hoped?” and based on the strength of those answers, a second date may now be in the future.
Now don’t get me wrong, Performance Issues are not to be taken lightly, and a repeat performance triggers a very different conversation with our clients. However, just as in the screening process, we work closely with our clients to center in on those characteristics in a partner that will deliver a lifetime of happiness.