Break Free of First Date Small Talk

Posted by Kelleher International on Oct 30, 2015 9:11:33 AM

How many times have you been on a date with someone you really wanted to know, but the chemistry just wasn’t there? Maybe you were nervous or your date never really opened up. You were two attractive, accomplished people with similar life goals, so what gives? It’s more than likely that the reason you weren’t able to connect with your date was something so unbearably simple it has eluded even the most experienced daters for centuries: the conversation was bad.

 There. We said it. It’s not that you’re a bad person – you just didn’t have the knowledge then that our executive matchmaking services are able to offer. Bad conversation is completely avoidable with the right knowledge and a little effort. Most people just get stuck in a loop of small talk and never evolve into a more meaningful dialogue. Small changes to your existing script can actually turn a small talk snooze-fest into an invigorating platform for two people to connect on a human level. You can achieve this instantaneously by keeping some simple tricks in mind.


But I like small talk!

…and that’s okay! As it turns out, small talk is actually good for you. It is a safe way to get to know your date and decide whether you are compatible on the most basic level before delving deeper into your lives. Common small talk topics include:

  • Names
  • Careers
  • Families
  • Education
  • The weather


While small talk is comfortable for many and provides a good basis for the rest of your interactions, it is not meant to be the only type of discussion between you and your date. Lengthy, meaningful conversation has been scientifically proven to indicate happiness. This interest in others and willingness to delve into deeper topics can actually make people seem more attractive and thus more likely to have successful dates.


The secret: you already have a competitive edge

Professional matchmaking services have essentially done the small talk for you by comparing common interests, intelligence and compatibility. While many people choose to engage in a bit of small talk anyway, exclusive dating services provide the ability to skip over the awkward parts and get right to the interesting conversation much faster.


Not only has your date been selected specifically for you, but you also have access to dating tips and conversational advice from the world’s premiere upscale international matchmakers. Kelleher International strives to stand by their clients and provide guidance as needed for the best quality dates possible.


OK, so how do I get started?

The first step to getting out of the small talk vortex is simple: get personal! This doesn’t mean either of you are required to over-share, but encourage your date to elaborate on topics he or she has already brought up. Show genuine interest and respond naturally, but always with the goal of obtaining more information.


Once you and your date have scratched the surface of deeper conversation, get a little emotional. When an appropriate transition comes up, show interest in your date’s childhood, dreams, life goals, and even past relationships. Emotional conversation opens you up to really feel connected to each other and encourages a more meaningful bond. Ask how your date feels about their life choices or even about current events. This takes the conversation one step further and helps break down established comfort zones. Examples of personal and emotional questions include:

  • Why did you make that decision?
  • Is that what you had always hoped to do?
  • Why did you pursue ____ instead of ____?
  • Who do you feel helped influence that choice the most?
  • Would you make the same choice over again?


Your advice didn’t work!

It is true that all this can happen and two people will still never feel a true connection. Why is that? Well, in order for deeper conversation to be effective two people need to not only swap stories, but also relate to one another.


Common ground is crucial for two people to bond. It’s not enough to just silently listen to your date’s words; eventually they’ll feel like it’s a monologue. Jump in where appropriate and express situations where you felt the same way or experienced the same phenomenon. Relating to each other helps generate excitement about your conversation and establishes a unique connection between the two of you.


So, what’s the secret equation for really meaningful conversations?


Personal + emotional + relatable = connection!


Of course, it’s necessary to open up and offer details about your own life in order to get relatable details from another person. Truly successful dates require both parties be willing to open up and give as well as take. Read social cues and body language to determine when it is appropriate to take the conversation to the next level and when in doubt, use your intuition! For personalized dating help and tips that will last well into your relationship feel free to contact us. Your love life is more than small talk and we want to prove that to you!

Topics: first date, professional matchmaking services, professional dating service, international matchmaker, executive matchmaking, exclusive dating services, upscale matchmaking, upscale matchmaker

Whether you are a new client flying off to Paris for your first match or have been happily married for more than twenty years, Kelleher International wants to be your resource to make your journey of love wildly fulfilling, exciting, dynamic, and deeply passionate.

We’ll talk about strategies for dating success, navigating relationship land mines, and the mindset it takes to find love and make it blossom.  We will put current events in the context of seeking love and even give you a little window into the match making business and how a centuries-old tradition continues to evolve in our modern world.  The “right one” is out there for you, so check back weekly for updates or follow us on Twitter to make the most of our partnership in your future.

Let us come with you on your journey!

Jill & Amber