Digital Boundaries IRL

Posted by Kelleher International on Sep 22, 2017 7:03:24 AM

Digital Boundaries.png


We are deep into the digital age where mystery and real privacy are a thing of the past. In the dating world, online dating platforms and apps offer up a seemingly endless menu of eligible men and women. To stand out, perfect strangers offer up personal details, private pictures and social media access in hopes you, their perfect match, will find them, do your homework, and make a connection. When a digital introduction turns into a series of dates and then an actual relationship, digital boundaries can seem a bit blurred.

This week on our social channels we've discussed how technology plays a prominent role in coupled relationships, and our Kelleher matchmaking team has a few suggestions for maintaining the mystique in your developing connection and extending respect for the privacy of each other and the relationship you're building.

We give up a lot of privacy posting on social media. If you're newly dating, it's important to discuss feelings about and desired levels of engagement with social platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Honor each other's privacy and give your relationship the freedom to develop authentically. Savor your "secret" time together!

We’ve all had a social media experience that’s gotten us in hot water or revealed something we weren’t ready to share yet. When you're dating, be certain to get approval before making any public declarations or posts. Discretion and temperance are the name of the game when nurturing a new love. Face-to-face dialogue about where you are in the relationship and how much you want to share with your social spheres is imperative.

Another rule of thumb, don’t say anything on text or social that you wouldn’t say to someone’s face. There’s a heightened level of bravado in digital communication that tapers off or even disappears in person-to-person interaction. Don’t hide behind a digital persona you can’t maintain in real life.

One Kelleher client shared her distaste with the swipe culture by showing us some of the intro messages she’d received from guys on Match.com and apps like Bumble and Coffee Meets Bagel. We can’t quote them, but they made us blush. If you want to make a meaningful connection, don’t be lewd. Sexting and flirtatious banter are only acceptable when both parties are interested and agree in participating.

Another biggie, whatever you do, fight the urge to snoop. It’s somewhat common for couples to share passwords and access to their phones for either convenience or emergency situations. Work hard to honor that information and don’t abuse the power of access. Secretly reading emails and texts, or logging into your partner’s social platforms will open Pandora’s box and is potentially damaging on so many levels. We all know trust is difficult to repair once it’s broken. If you feel compelled to snoop, then there’s already a trust issue looming and snooping will meet suspicion with mistrust. Instead, use your words and have a dialogue about what’s happening in your relationship. Transparency is always a better solution.

Remember that tone and intention are hard to read in writing so offer your person the benefit of the doubt when it comes to questionable digital communication. And what if you notice your partner recently became friends with a hook-up from before your time? When it comes to love, we are all more likely to feel vulnerable and threatened by questionable social activity. Take a deep breath, don’t buy into the scary story that’s building in your brain, and ask what you want to know from a calm and confident place.

Social boundaries deserve a healthy dose of respect and so do you. The digital landscape has made dating a game of algorithms and chance and continues to strip the humanity out of meeting people. And on top of that, it can feel like a full-time job. If you’re looking for the analog solution to your love life, our team of Kelleher matchmakers takes the straight-forward approach of listening and asking questions to get to the heart of you and the type of person you’re seeking. Then, it’s our full-time job to find your match. Learn more about our boutique matchmaking services here. And, of course, we'd love to hear what you think about digital boundaries in the dating world. Leave your thoughts in the comments section below.

Whether you are a new client flying off to Paris for your first match or have been happily married for more than twenty years, Kelleher International wants to be your resource to make your journey of love wildly fulfilling, exciting, dynamic, and deeply passionate.

We’ll talk about strategies for dating success, navigating relationship land mines, and the mindset it takes to find love and make it blossom.  We will put current events in the context of seeking love and even give you a little window into the match making business and how a centuries-old tradition continues to evolve in our modern world.  The “right one” is out there for you, so check back weekly for updates or follow us on Twitter to make the most of our partnership in your future.

Let us come with you on your journey!

Jill & Amber