In a vast dating pool, how do you rise to the surface and discover your match? At Kelleher, we find many of our clients open to doing whatever it takes to find their person. They’re willing to dive in and do the hard work, but the key to relationship success isn’t as complicated as most think.
Ancient philosophers like Aristotle spent their lifetimes studying and defining the values of a life well lived. And from then to now, experts agree that focusing on an attitude of appreciation can make all of the difference. Robert A. Emmons, Ph.D., is the world’s leading scientific expert on gratitude and a professor of psychology at the University of California, Davis. Emmons argues that gratefulness consists of two components:
- An affirmation of goodness - The acknowledgement of good things in the world and the recognition of our received gifts and benefits.
- Acknowledgement that sources of goodness are outside of ourselves - We’re not self-made; others help us achieve the good stuff in our lives.
By honing our skills in identifying and celebrating the bright spots in our lives we naturally develop the value of gratitude which in turn makes us more attractive to others.
When showing gratitude becomes second nature, the possibilities are endless. “I have a client whose grateful and positive attitude has brought her very close to finding her person and enables her to savor the waiting. She finds joy in the matchmaking process and consistently acknowledges the things she’s learning about herself and others. She told me when she wakes up in the morning she feels radiant. She consistently works on her mindset and treats our Kelleher team, and I as her trusted and valued partners in finding love. With an attitude like that, she makes our job joyful,” explains Molly Davis, Kelleher Chairman’s Group senior matchmaker.
Developing an attitude of gratitude like Molly’s client can be difficult for someone who gets bogged down in all of the negative things happening in their life and the world around them. Patty Russell, Kelleher CEO Club senior matchmaker, says, “Right now the world can seem like a crazy negative place which is all the more reason we must fight to stay positive. Lean into the idea of shifting your perspective just a little bit every day. For example, when you meet someone new, first take note of the things you like and enjoy about them rather than immediately zooming in on the things you don’t. This one minor shift will create an openness allowing you to learn so much more about the person - things that just might dissolve those dislikes.”
At Kelleher, we have a broad swath of wealthy clients who have achieved financial and academic success. The affirmation and acknowledgment of goodness can sometimes get lost in a portion of this crowd. Matchmaker Doreen Justice explains, “I think an important element of gratitude is recognizing one's blessings and acknowledging that so much of what happens to us in life is sheer luck; being born into the right family, the right country, with a high intelligence, good looks, or whatever your gift may be. These divine-given gifts should be recognized as blessings knowing we're not necessarily more deserving of them than others. Too often I see clients who actually believe they are better than others because of what they have attained professionally or materialistically and don't acknowledge the dumb luck or multitude of people who have helped them achieve this level of success. Consequently, I see these clients elevating themselves above others, making judgments based on where someone went to college, or how much money they earn, or even how they look. It’s dangerous to put that much weight into ego as it can all disappear in an instant: health, wealth, status, and ultimately happiness. True gratitude is being thankful for the life and love you have when you most likely have done nothing out of the ordinary to deserve it.”
Gratitude breeds happiness. “I encourage you to spotlight the people, places and things you're grateful for every day. Thanksgiving week is a good time to kickstart this critical habit to achieving a consistently happy life,” encourages Kelleher Matchmaking CEO Amber Kelleher-Andrews.
If you’re looking for ways to strengthen your gratitude muscle consider these simple ideas from our team of matchmakers.
- Send a thank you text message. Specifically, articulate that for which you are grateful. It could be that a neighbor collected your mail while you were on that last work trip or a new love interest brought you soup when you were sick. A simple thank you text can express gratitude from sender to recipient in a matter of seconds.
- Document three personal things you are thankful for every day. For example, "Today I'm thankful my husband made me coffee and packed my favorite snack to take with me to work." Showing gratitude for the little things helps the things you’re grateful for multiply.
- Praise publicly. Privately thanking someone special in your life is a good practice. When you share public praise in front of your colleagues, friends, or family, it is a bold and generous statement of gratitude that is sure to pay in spades.
- Mix up the “thank you’s” by varying your vocabulary. Too much of the same can fall flat. Try rotating through statements like, “I appreciate you for…; I’m so grateful that you…; I couldn’t have done this without you; I love it when you…” Be specific as for details matter, especially when it’s something you like and want to repeat!
- Pay attention to cues. If you’re not sure how to show gratitude to someone you care about, they’re constantly giving you clues if you pay attention. For example, if you always hear your partner complaining about unloading the dishwasher, that might be a great activity to take on as a ‘thank you’ reciprocity. You can even leave behind a sweet thank you note in the now empty dishwasher.
- Express gratitude when you succeed. As we stated before, nobody is self-made. When you have a big win, acknowledge and thank those that helped you get there.
- Be physically and emotionally available when things aren’t so great. Learning to focus on gratitude when things are rough for you, your partner, or your relationship is a critical hit. How you show up when things aren’t fantastic is a true testament to your character. Digging deep for understanding and actively seeking things to be grateful for is one of the fastest ways to turn a bad experience into a positive life lesson.
- Be consistent. The act of gratitude can’t be a one-off thing. Show up every day for yourself and the meaningful relationships in your life and consistently affirm and acknowledge the goodness brought to you not only by the divine but also by your tribe.
Cultivating an attitude of gratitude is a win-win. It will enhance your everyday life experience and radiate positivity out into the world making you more attractive and easier to match. This Thanksgiving holiday, thoughtfully examine the things you’re grateful for and share with those close to you. A nature of gratitude is a beautiful thing. If you’ve honed your skills and would like to share some tips for expressing appreciation and living a happy life, please leave a note for us in the comments below.
If you aren’t already a Kelleher client our matchmaking family would be gratified to guide you on your journey to finding the one; call us to learn more about the Kelleher experience.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.