We’ve all given and received the sage advice, “let go.” Whether it’s a job, habit, idea, or relationship, it’s safe to say that guidance is easier to give than it is to receive. The idea of letting go is light and free and hopeful, but the act of actually doing it can be daunting and painful on a number of levels. Letting go is hard work which is why so many people prefer to stay stuck.
Kelleher International matchmaker, Doreen Justice is no stranger to hard work and letting go.
She hasn’t always been a matchmaker. Doreen spent the majority of her adult working life in the cutthroat world of investment banking and had a successful career at Goldman Sachs before trading her Wolf of Wall Street ways to become a wife and full-time mom. She was a passionate trader but answered her inner-call to let go and explore a more balanced, traditional life. And for twenty years, she did just that. A divorce and two kids later Doreen found herself at a crossroads.
Doreen is a realist and knew she had a weighty choice to make. Being out of the investment banking game for twenty years meant she had a slim chance of returning to her previous status. She painfully accepted that the fire she felt for finance had to find a new outlet. “I was determined to be a positive example for my daughter - I wanted her to see that whatever happens in life the answer is never to roll over and give up. I was determined to raise a strong woman that wouldn’t let pride or ego guide her life’s journey,” Doreen explained.
“Your life is your message.” -Gandhi
And so she let go of what she thought should be and rolled with what was unfolding before her.
Doreen shifted her gaze to the things she wanted in a new career and stumbled upon an opportunity to be a matchmaker. “At first it seemed ridiculous that I would swing from one side of the pendulum to the other,” she laughed. “But, I was seeking a fun way to engage with people and matchmaking most certainly checked that box. And, I’m a natural connector. I love to match people professionally and personally and discover along the way how exciting and rich our lives become by meeting new people.”
As a KI matchmaker, Doreen has found the same people skills that made her a successful trader have made her a successful matchmaker. “The truth is, no matter what you do, the relationships are the crucial piece. It's about building trust and making your circle of relationships deeper and wider,” Doreen mused.
“Just as I had to let go of my "perfect career" checklist, I regularly find myself urging clients to put away their preconceived notions of who they will fall in love with. It’s the biggest mistake I see over and over again - a checklist of "must-haves" in their perfect partner. Many women want the cliche "tall, rich, and handsome" partner and many men want the "tall, blond, and thin" arm candy. Recognize that these are superficial attributes and don't necessarily dictate an authentic match based on shared values and interests.”
Deciding to engage a matchmaker in your pursuit for love requires a tremendous amount of trust and vulnerability. Be open to what may surprise you and lean in to what you learn about yourself in the process. And, Doreen warns, “Be careful what you wish for, or at least acknowledge if your heart or ego is making the request.”
Another key component for letting go is knowing your worth, particularly for women. “Don't be so worried about whether or not your date/match likes you but whether you like them,” Doreen suggests. “As women, we are often such accommodators and want everyone to like us. Shift your focus to determining whether you like or want them and not vice versa!” This small change frees you to be fully present in the here and now.
Doreen’s clients report how much they enjoy working with her. They’re pleased with Doreen’s professionalism and dedication to diving deep and growing the client connection to make sure the matches she suggests are a good fit. At Kelleher, our matchmakers are connectors and seasoned life livers with real world insight and know-how. If you’re ready to let go of your old ideas on dating and give matchmaking a try, call Kelleher International, and we’ll talk you through the process. It’s one small step toward your next chapter, and we’ll be happy to guide you on the journey.