Love or Lust: A Map to Your Heart

Posted by Kelleher International on Apr 10, 2015 8:34:03 AM

shutterstock_224014774First dates are exciting experiences: you meet someone new, find yourself surprised at much you have in common, and maybe – if you’re lucky – get a first date kiss! But then, as you walk to your car in a haze of butterflies, you start to wonder if you’ve gotten too excited too quickly. Did you really want to hear all about your date’s holiday doing charity work or were you just dazzled by his dreamy eyes that bear a striking resemblance to a certain television personality? Matchmaking firm Kelleher International has a checklist to help you discover your true feelings about this new special someone.


Lust is deceptive. Frequently, when a couple claims to have fallen in love at first sight, they are referring to lust which then grew into long-term love. It is absolutely okay to find your date attractive immediately upon meeting them; this is a great sign you are matched with a person who has long-term potential in your life. Lust only becomes a problem when it leads us to spend time with people who don’t share our interests or who don’t have the same goals in life. Test yourself to find out if lust has taken over your relationship:


  •          There’s lots of flirting… but not much conversation
  •          You don’t know what your date does in their spare time
  •          You don’t share information about your friends or families
  •          You’re hesitant to offer your date the title of “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”
  •          You feel a sense of “ownership” over your date


Conversely, there are many couples who have happy relationships even after passing through the initial stage of “butterflies.” These couples certainly find each other attractive, but also have shared interests and goals. Love is an unconditional attachment that may not exist right away, but can certainly grow after getting to know a person. The following are signs you and your date might be headed toward a long, healthy relationships and, dare we say it, love:


He calls. It’s one thing to see your date in person but calling someone when you are not able to see them shows you are genuinely interested in what they have to say – and not what they’re wearing or whether their hair is styled.


You share stories. You remember the way your date smiled at you from across the table, but their story about seeing whales in Alaska really stole the show. Your date’s personality, stories, and humor should be the take-away from each interaction. If you remember a story or joke they told so vividly it could be your own, you might be in love.


It’s comfortable. Dating someone long-term should be like spending lots of time with your really attractive best friend. You tell each other secrets, confide in each other, and have a general sense of emotional intimacy. You know your partner always has your back.


It takes two. Both you and your partner are attractive people and you recognize it takes both of you to make this relationship work. You are not trapped together; you both simply choose to continue dating because you enjoy the company.


You both agree: it’s exclusive. Neither of you date other people and you’re perfectly OK with that because suddenly everyone else has become unattractive. This could be due to a coincidental influx of extremely unattractive people to your immediate area, but it’s more likely your mindset has simply changed. You are ready to commit to a single person and have no regrets about this choice.


Lust is a tricky emotion to navigate, but if you notice it has taken over your relationship, you can change things and move on to a healthy situation with long-term potential. Our matchmaking experts focus on the foundations of love to offer connections based on personality types, interests, and life values. When the hard work has been taken out of the equation for you, it is easier to focus on getting to know your date and connecting on a personal level. Browse our testimonials and discover the happy relationships Kelleher International matchmakers have helped create.

Topics: Relationships, Dating

Whether you are a new client flying off to Paris for your first match or have been happily married for more than twenty years, Kelleher International wants to be your resource to make your journey of love wildly fulfilling, exciting, dynamic, and deeply passionate.

We’ll talk about strategies for dating success, navigating relationship land mines, and the mindset it takes to find love and make it blossom.  We will put current events in the context of seeking love and even give you a little window into the match making business and how a centuries-old tradition continues to evolve in our modern world.  The “right one” is out there for you, so check back weekly for updates or follow us on Twitter to make the most of our partnership in your future.

Let us come with you on your journey!

Jill & Amber