As technology continues to evolve, so do we. It’s impossible not to change habits, behaviors, and expectations no matter how much we might want to resist, especially in dating. The feeling of “keeping up or dining alone” looms so we give in to the swipe culture where traditional ways of communicating get archived for new, inventive methods that make life and dating seemingly easier, but strip away humanity in the process. “When we were growing up facetime meant spending time with someone in person. Now, Facetime is a branded form of digital communication for iPhone users,” explained Kimberly Colgate, Director of Matchmaking at Kelleher International.
Since information is power, we thought it would be helpful to decode some of the mysteries of modern dating to assist you in making the best decisions to support yourself and emotional well-being.
Cuffing season is upon us - a term used to describe this time of year when the days get shorter and outdoor activities get replaced with evenings snuggled on the couch catching up on the Netflix queue you neglected all summer. Casual daters consider “exclusive status” during the fall and winter months. Things tend to heat up when the weather gets cold.
“When the holidays are around the corner everyone begins coupling up. With so many parties and family functions to attend singles are looking for a partner,” Kimberly said. “It is a desperate time of the year. Many just 'couple up' to have a warm body by their side and overlook key deal breakers. My advice is to try your best not to get swept up in the romance of it all. Really look at the person; can you visualize yourself with them a few years down the road? If not, don’t lose your mind and shell out big bucks for a Christmas gift!”
If you’re not anointed as “the one” there’s a chance you might experience ghosting or potentially, the slow fade. Both of these break-up methods run rampant in the digital dating culture. Ghosting is likely the most well-known modern dating term. Just like it sounds, one day you’re dating someone, and the next they vanish without a trace. They don’t call; they don’t write, and they most certainly don’t return texts. It’s hurtful, but it’s over. The only thing to do is move on.
The slow fade, on the other hand, is a less stark version of ghosting that occurs when someone is no longer interested in the prospect of having a relationship with you. However, instead of saying so, your casual love interest simply communicates less frequently, breaks plans at the last minute, and eventually lets time and space organically bring your connection to an immature close devoid of any conversation. It’s confusing and pathetic. And in case you need reminding, you deserve better.
If you’ve been stood up on a date, you’re likely the victim of “breadcrumbing” or the old “catch and release” routine. These are both unkind tactics acted out for selfish, egotistical reasons. Breadcrumbing feels like the person is genuinely interested in you, but in actuality, they’re just stringing you along - which is hard to decipher quickly through dating sites and apps. They text, make efforts to know you, suggest getting together and then never follow through. Nothing ever comes of it. The mentality is similar to the catch and release type who engages in elaborate courting through texts, phone calls, and plan making. Once you’re in, they’re out. It’s all about the chase with these types.
Kittenfishing is the latest modern dating term most people are guilty of doing. Consider kittenfishing a watered down version of catfishing - the name used to describe someone who creates an entirely fictitious online persona. Examples of kittenfishing antics include lying about your age or height on your dating profile, posting old or photoshopped photos not representative of your current looks, and fibbing about hobbies or personal details to improve your overall image. The intention behind the act of kittenfishing doesn’t typically come from a place of deliberate deception, but more from a place of insecurity. It’s tough dating in the digital age where competition and judgment hover like a thick fog of uncertainty. People make bad decisions when they lose sight of their values and self-worth.
If you’ve been burned by any of these dating landmines you most certainly are not alone. Kimberly consoled, “The bad dating decisions people make are not a reflection of you, although rejection always feels like a personal attack. The most important thing to remember is you aren’t responsible for other people’s actions. Only worry about the things you can control - how you present yourself online and in-person and how you respond to the world around you.”
We hope learning about these modern dating mysteries gives you insight and empowers you to navigate the new world of dating. “The old school rule still stands in this modern dating age,” Kimberly stated. “If someone is interested in you they will make the time and find a way to reach you. If it becomes spotty and hard to connect with someone you’re casually dating, take a hint. No one is TOO busy for the right person.”
If you have questions for our matchmakers or personal insight to share, please do so in the comments section below. If you want to learn more about matchmaking, the throwback dating method that bypasses the digital dating jungle, connect with us here.