Divorce lawyers have seen it all: the good, the bad and the ugly. Not every divorce is a War of the Roses, but they aren’t spontaneous occurrences, either. Usually the events leading up to a divorce can be felt on both sides of a relationship long before the D-word is mentioned. Our matchmakers from NYC to San Francisco have located some of the best relationship advice – from divorce lawyers! Part one of a three-part series about relationship tips from the experts is bound to help save your relationship from disaster.
Meet the Attorneys:
Joseph E. Cordell is licensed in Missouri and Illinois. The Cordell & Cordell family law firm was founded with Cordell’s wife, Yvonne, and now represents men almost exclusively in family and domestic relations.
Vikki Ziegler practices matrimonial law and civil litigation. Ziegler now hosts Bravo’s Untying the Knot. Ziegler’s newest book, A Complete Legal Guide to a Perfect Marriage is on sale now at Barnes & Noble and on Amazon.com.
Linda Delaney, senior partner and co-founder of Maryland’s Delaney McKinney, LLP firm, has more than 25 years of experience in the field of family law. Delaney has been named among the top divorce lawyers in The Washingtonian every year since 2004.
Paul Smollar has almost forty years of practice as a family lawyer in the Washington D.C. area. Smollar has been recognized by Super Lawyers and The Washingtonian for his accomplishments in the field.
Arkady Bukh is a New York City lawyer and a partner with Bukh Global Law Firm.
Don’t Be Fooled by “I Do”
Many couples make the mistake of thinking marriage is a done deal. The truth is, marriage is when the really hard work begins. Each couple must work to make their partner feel appreciated on a regular basis. Cordell says, “The relationship is still vulnerable. You can’t take her for granted. Once you win her, you have to keep winning her over every day.”
Ziegler says a lack of intimacy is common as couples work, have children, and get caught up in their lives. “The minute closeness dissipates, you have a major problem on your hands. Put your phones down, hold hands, light some candles, and look at each other. It’s a great feeling to know that the flame is still alive and that you spouse is still attracted to you after years [of marriage].”
That’s not to say sex has to happen all the time. Delaney reaffirms that there are many happy couples who do not frequently have sex, but are still happy with one another. “I think some of us would judge that, but they’re compatible.”
Let Go of the Little Things
Who cares if your spouse never puts down the toilet seat or takes out the garbage? Many lawyers find themselves exasperated with the “little things” that seem to be blamed for ending otherwise healthy marriages. Smollar admits even he finds himself thinking, “So what?” when clients get too chatty about their spouse’s flaws. Try instead to determine what is at the root of your irritation and address the major topic rather than letting the small things get to you.
Accept Your Partner – Flaws and All
Many couples rush into marriage and never get to know their partners on a deeper level. It is then a surprise when your cherished spouse does something perfectly human. “You can’t change anyone but yourself, so stop trying,” Ziegler says. “Accept your partner for who [they are]—period.”
Bukh’s advice focuses on building a solid partnership between couples. “No one can live up to fantasy expectations forever,” Bukh says. “Everyone is a flawed human. The best relationship is between two people who view each other as equals and admire and respect each other.”
Divorce lawyers like to point to the Obamas as an example of high-powered relationships at their best. After all, if the most powerful man in the free world can make time for dinner dates with his wife, you can too. When in doubt, turn to the professional dating service most trusted with high-profile relationships and celebrity dating. Kelleher International’s executive matchmakers have the experience required to make intelligent matches between compatible people. Matchmaking services are the best way to create a solid foundation between two partners in a relationship so that they stay happy and just as in love as the day they met!