Women agree they want to fall for Mr. Nice Guy, but they may be less vocal about the reasons they so often fall for the quintessential bad boy instead. We all know choosing the brooding bachelor doesn’t typically lead to a successful relationship. Fortunately, with life experience and relationship maturity, women grow out of the desire to be with this guy. Once women evolve, they yearn for someone trustworthy and confident who is genuinely interested in getting to know them.
The Kelleher International matchmakers weigh in with some tips from the bad boy playbook, so you nice guys can get the girl.
“The main thing is to be assertive in making a plan to meet. The majority of women don’t like a man that sounds too timid on the phone and can’t make a definitive plan,” explained Patty Russell, CEO Club Matchmaker for Kelleher. “I had to work on this with a client of mine. He is such a sweet guy, but he’s terrible on the phone. Now he is more decisive in his approach and takes charge. This small change has proved successful for him in getting the first date.”
So, Mr. Nice Guy, being assertive from the first interaction is essential for meeting your match. Another tip is to make a small move on the first date to let her know it’s not just a friendly engagement. It’s okay to go slowly, as most women appreciate and prefer that, but find a way to incorporate touch which is so important for women to establish attraction and develop chemistry.
A “small move” might include opening doors for her and taking her hand as she exits the vehicle or descends the stairs. Place your hand on the small of her back as you escort her to the table. Make eye contact during conversation. Be warm and open. Ask her questions and actually listen to the answers, and engage in dialogue about your own experience to establish similar points of interest and connectedness.
Dating is just like everything else in life in that uncertainty is certain. The typical nice guy waits until he's completely sure he'll get the girl before making a move and sometimes it's too late - he's already in the friend zone. Never forget, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Take the initiative and put yourself out there.
Most bad boys are sharp-dressed narcissists, but they know how to make a good first impression with their smooth moves, chiseled bodies, confidence, and style. Word to the wise, Mr. Nice Guy - be confident, stay fit, and dress for success from the jump. The narcissist will reveal his true colors in short order, and you'll have the upper hand. The external package helps make a great first impression and establishes initial attraction, while who you are on the inside will continually shine through with each interaction and win her affections.
Overcome first date anxieties by being comfortable in your own skin. Relax and focus on seeking a genuine connection. All women find this combo alluring. No matter if you’re a match or not, you’ll walk away from the experience with positive vibes and intel to use on future dates.
Men tend to lean on linear thinking, in the dating arena that’s not necessarily a good thing. Don’t create a road map with a single route to a singular destination. It’s too soon to be certain where this thing is going or what sort of relationship you might be building. Leave room for possibility, be willing to take the road less traveled, and have fun on the chase.
"I'm a big believer that people need to be very aware of to what degree they're "leaning in" relative to their love interest. When one person "leans in" too fast, too far, it causes the other person to lean back. You have to give someone space for their feelings to develop organically. If someone comes on too strong, too fast, with words of endearment, or too frequent initiation of communication, it can pour water on a spark that hasn't had a chance to ignite. So I coach people to be cognizant of moving at the pace of their partner, even if that means holding back with initiating texts and with sharing all the sweet nothings they wish to say... save it for down the line."
Finally, don’t ignore your intuition, Mr. Nice Guy. If you’re present and mindful on the phone or on a date with a potential match, she’ll give you signals as to whether or not she’s interested. When you look in her eyes, does she seem attentive or does she appear vacant? Sometimes your ego will override any initial, internal alarms. After all, we want what we want and don’t appreciate any red flags telling us otherwise. If you aren’t sure if she’s into you, women welcome a confident, direct man… So ask if you’re unclear and be gracious no matter the response. Remember you are as busy and fabulous as she is. If things don’t work out, don’t worry! That just means she’s not your girl and together we’ll go back to the drawing board and find your perfect match.
Are you a reformed bad boy or a nice guy in training? Have you used any of these techniques to change your dating life positively? We'd like to hear what changes you've made to set yourself up for success in love. Share your experience or thoughts in the comments section below.
If you want to learn more about Kelleher matchmaking and coaching, we’d be happy to talk you through the process and join you on your journey. Reach out to us here.