It’s time for some real talk: you’ve been on a lot of first dates lately and it’s a problem. Going on a few dates with the wrong people is normal, but you’re reaching a whole new level of “serial dater” status. Your romantic resume reads more like an encyclopedia than an infographic and you’ve been pigging out on Ben & Jerry’s while watching reruns of “The Bachelor” for two weeks straight. You’re in a slump and the worst part is you’ve done this to yourself. It’s true: many of us sabotage our own love lives without ever realizing it’s happened. Kelleher International has noticed your predicament and we’re here to save the day with some harsh realities.
You’re self-involved. Don’t get us wrong: confidence is sexy. It’s perfectly healthy to have moderate levels of self-esteem, but it’s time to take a step back and consider whether you’ve been talking about yourself a little too much. Do you give other people credit for their roles in your success? Do you frequently brag about your accomplishments? When you walk away from a conversation, have you really learned anything about the other person? The solution to this is surprisingly simple: if you want people to like you, ask them about themselves. Don’t ask them just one or two questions— this needs to be an entire conversation about the other person. Become genuinely interested in other people. You’ll be surprised at how willing they are to listen once you’ve already proven you’re willing to do the same.
You’re bad in bed. We’re not talking about size or skill; we’re talking about honesty. Most couples who report difficulty in the bedroom only have themselves and bad communication skills to blame. Yes, it’s awkward to talk to your significant other about something you didn’t like, but it’s so much better to have an awkward conversation now than a ho-hum sex life forever. Be open about your preferences and compliment your partner when they do things you enjoy too. Positive feedback is just as valuable (if not more so) than negative feedback. The important thing is you’ve opened the door for communication.
You’re stingy. It’s okay to budget and be smart about finances, but no date wants to get to the check only to discover you’re using a coupon. Evolutionary psychology backs us up on this: a date who proves they can provide not only for themselves but for someone else is more valuable in the long run. Save the coupons for a boy’s or girl’s night out and treat your significant other to a special experience all their own.
You’re awkward. Fake it until you make it! Social situations can be scary, but it’s important to let your date know you can handle your own. Try to mirror your date’s actions for guaranteed success. If your date leans forward and smiles while talking, try to do the same. If they lean back nonchalantly, feel free to follow their lead. Body language is so important in relationships. Try to be aware of the space around you and your impact on other people in social situations.
You’re stuck in your ways. If you find things go well for a few dates and fizzle out for “no reason,” we’re talking to you. It’s normal to fall into a routine when you’re single but you need to incorporate your significant other into that routine when you start dating again. Compromise is usually a big part of this stage: both partners must be willing to try new things, step out of their comfort zones, and find new habits that work for both of you. You might be pleasantly surprised.
You can’t move on. Imagine you’re on a date with someone who can’t stop talking about their ex or the fight you had last week even though you’d already apologized and made nice (or so you thought). It gets old, right? The same concept applies to any romantic situation: if you’ve already brought it up and the topic has been discussed, it’s time to take advice from those wise individuals at Disney and let it go. It’s doubtful last week’s argument is relevant to the pleasant evening you’re sharing on the beach, so why ruin a perfectly beautiful dinner? Appreciate where you are in the moment, be grateful for your life, and recognize the things you have could go away just as easily as they came; if you don’t live in the now you may not get a chance later.
Take note, serial daters: we’ve got your number. Your stocks and bonds might be in order, but it’s time to invest in yourself for a change: more specifically, your happiness. Quit holding yourself back and take a chance on love. We understand this is a big step, which is why you don’t have to do this alone. Contact us at Kelleher International and allow us to lead you into the most satisfying relationship of your life! The time is now.