One common complaint we hear a lot from men, in particular, is that they don’t really know why their previous relationships failed. Generally, unless something really big happens to end a relationship, it can be difficult to diagnose the fatal flaw. Somehow, a break up occurs, and the guy is left reeling, wondering where he went wrong. To shed some light on this, here are seven common ways that men may sabotage a relationship without even realizing it.
This is an area that many people fall short in, especially as forms of online communication have become more prevalent. Yet, this problem is not limited to the younger generation. In fact, “rules” about when to contact someone after a date have been commonplace for decades. If you like someone, just tell them! Don’t play games and expect things to work out.
Texting is an incredible technology that allows people to easily stay in contact, especially at times where a phone call or face-to-face meeting is impossible. Why then do so many people, guys especially, use texting as a platform for one-word responses? In this day and age, if you respond to a text message asking how you are with an “okay” or “fine,” you are basically signaling to the other person that this conversation is over. The best way to communicate over text or instant message? Encourage engagement from the other person, just as you would a conversation in the real world.
Interviewing the Other Person
This mostly applies to first dates. If you are asking the other person a barrage of questions that are better suited to a job interview, you can safely bet that there will not be a second date. This is a date, not an interrogation, so engage in natural-flowing conversation.
Speaking Without Thinking
Everyone is guilty of this at some point, but it can be severely detrimental to a relationship. Think before you speak to avoid saying something ill-timed, uncouth or offensive.
If you fail to voice your opinions, you may think you’re acting the part of the strong and silent type. In reality, you may be turning off your date by behaving more like an opinion-less doormat. While you don’t want to behave like crazy Uncle Bill on Facebook who is always posting semi-offensive rants and sharing poorly-made political or religious propaganda, you also don’t want to be the awkward quiet guy that never speaks up. Learn to “read the room,” and respond accordingly.
You might be the hardest working guy at the office, but if you slack off when it comes to your love life, you’re going to find yourself out of a job in that department fairly swiftly. This does not mean that you need to make every encounter with your date like something out of a John Hughes’ script from the 1980s, but rather that you should be making an obvious effort within the relationship. Freshen up before a date – shower, shave and scent. You always hear about married couples that let themselves go when the honeymoon period ends, filing for divorce five kids and 200 bags of Fritos later, and that unfortunate type of situation is the result of a lot of laziness and lethargy. Instead of going down that tragic route, put some effort and exertion into maintaining the relationship.
Allowing the Relationship to Atrophy
Far too many couples start out strong but lose momentum and become paralyzed. Usually, one person checks out of the relationship first, while the other hangs on in radio silence, hoping matters will improve. Eventually, as the relationship fades, one person is left wondering whether there was any chemistry to begin with. Be honest; if it’s not working out, let her know and make a clean break.