If we stop to reflect on our past romances, we’re likely to notice some unhealthy relationship patterns.
Whether romantic, personal, or professional, you’ll find patterns in the types of relationships you attract. Some of those connections are great and some we’d rather drop like a bad habit.
But how do you break those bad relationships patterns and free yourself to have healthy, supportive partnerships in all areas of your life?
The Kelleher International matchmakers coach clients through this process of evaluating unhealthy relationship patterns to help them discover the love they’re seeking. In this week’s blog, we’re highlighting ways to acknowledge and move beyond those patterns that keep tripping up your chances for lasting love.
When you discover yourself repeating an old, unhealthy relationship pattern, the most crucial first step is the act of forgiveness.
Be kind, soft, and generous with your heart. Forgive yourself for arriving in this familiarly painful place. Again!!!
Speak to yourself the way you would console a dear friend.
Remind yourself that you’re lovable. And that you deserve to be in a supportive, happy, stable partnership. Then explore why you might be repeating this unhealthy relationship pattern.
Seek to understand the lesson presenting itself to you on this romantic merry-go-round.
Kelleher International CEO, Amber Kelleher-Andrews adds, “It’s easy to get down and discouraged when you find yourself back in a familiar, broken relationship. Rather than beat yourself up about it, get out the proverbial magnifying glass and examine what’s really going on in your head and heart.”
With a little introspection, you can pinpoint the traits, characteristics, and indicators that define the commonality of these broken relationships.
What are the red flags you’re missing early on? Which negative behaviors do these unhealthy relationship patterns bring out in you? Define your triggers.
Acknowledging why you feel triggered about something not only helps you break the cycle, but it also enables you to empathize with others’ relationships with their own triggers. Awareness and a conscious response to triggers – both yours and others – can undoubtedly break the cycle of unhealthy relationship patterns.
Do you react or respond to triggers?
Reacting to a situation when you’re triggered might mean that you shut down and stop engaging and communicating. For some, reacting is snapping at the person who triggered them. Others react to triggers by punishing anyone that crosses their path. No matter the method, reacting is highly emotional and taken personally.
Responding to triggers, on the other hand, is measured. It is taking a deep breath and a thoughtful and considerate look at the situation. A response explores the perception of both self and the other(s) involved.
A measured acknowledgment is a great step toward breaking those unhealthy relationship patterns.
Discover why you stay on the bad relationship hamster wheel – maybe you recognize you’re afraid to be alone or that you feel devalued without a partner or you have abandonment issues. Most of our darkest shadows trace back to childhood. Don’t be afraid to do the work. It’s the only way you can break those unhealthy relationship patterns.
Whatever your shadow side reveals, take that information and clarify how you truly want to feel in your ideal relationship.
Write it down. Make a list of the qualities your perfect partner exudes. We’re not talking about how they look or what their job title is. Instead, describe how you feel when you’re with them. What do they add to your life? How does this relationship inspire other areas of your life? How do you and your partner make each other better? Describe in detail the relationship you hope to have.
Once you’re inspired by this visualization, it’s time to course correct.
Perhaps with the new found clarity, you’ll know how to repair your broken relationship. Or maybe it’s breaking off the relationship you’re in altogether and starting fresh.